Let’s Talk About Relationship “Failure”
Most relationships experience issues at some point. Why does a relationship fail? Relationships fail nowadays for many reasons. There may have been poor communication, a lack of physical intimacy or any other reason. It takes a lot to make a romantic relationship work.
So often, romantic relationships fail, sparking the fear of failure and triggering many emotions, such as shame, hurt, disappointment, resentment, or anger.
We often tell our clients that there is no rule book on navigating a failed relationship. It has taken years to build up and will take some time to heal. A relationship breakdown may leave you feeling lost and unsure of where to begin.
A relationship failing often leads to heightened emotions. They can get caught up in how they feel, which means they are exhausted when considering moving forward with childcare and property arrangements.
Here are the 9 Tips to Overcome Relationship “Failure”
1. Accept How You Feel
Acknowledgment
Understand the emotions you are feeling. They could be a combination of anger, sadness, loneliness and others. Recognise them and admit to yourself, “I feel this way, and that’s okay”.
Non-judgment
Allow yourself to feel your emotions without labelling them as good or bad. Your feelings are a valid expression of your experiences. They are not reasons to be ashamed or criticise yourself.
Self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend in a similar situation. Acknowledge that you’re going through a tough time and that feeling upset or hurt is natural.
2. A Relationship Failure Doesn’t Make You a Failure
Event vs identity
You should understand that a setback is an event. It doesn’t form part of your identity. Your worth as a person isn’t tied to your successes or failures. An event failing doesn’t make you a failure as a person.
Positive Self-Talk
Monitor and adjust your internal dialogue. Replace self-critical thoughts with more compassionate and realistic ones. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m a failure,” remind yourself, “I faced a setback, but I can learn from this experience and grow stronger.”
Redefine success
Redefine what success means to you. Instead of viewing it as the absence of failure, consider success as the ability to persevere, adapt, and grow regardless of the challenges you face.
3. Be Constructive and Learn from the Situation
Objective Analysis
Take a step back and try to view the situation objectively. Analyse what happened, why, and your role in the circumstances. This objective analysis can help you see the bigger picture without being overwhelmed by emotions.
Learn from your experiences
Every experience can help you learn something about yourself and others. Consider what you can learn from your setbacks. Have you gained insight into your needs, boundaries or relationship patterns?
Apply what you’ve learned
The knowledge you gain from your experiences can only help if you apply it effectively. Consider how you can use the insights you’ve gained to improve your future relationships and endeavours.
4. Failure Is Inevitable. But So Is Success
Growth mindset
Learn to see challenges and failures as opportunities to learn and improve. Nothing is an insurmountable issue. This mindset will foster resilience and persistence.
Long-term perspective
Keep your mind on the long term. Initial failures can become successes over time, and a long-term perspective can help build patience and resilience.
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Vent About a Failed Relationship
Therapy or counselling
A therapist can provide a safe environment to express your feelings healthily and offer emotional support, especially after toxic relationships. Therapists can help you gain insights into your circumstances and develop coping strategies.
Support groups
Meeting people who’ve gone through similar experiences to you can help improve communication about failed relationships. Expressing your feelings about an issue that others in the group understand can be beneficial and comforting.
6. Find Inspiration and Support from Your World
Engage in activities you love
Rediscover hobbies and activities that you may have put aside during your relationship. This can boost your mood and distract you from the challenges of a breakup.
Mindfulness and meditation
Taking time to meditate can help you find calmness and quiet the negative thoughts that come with a relationship break. You can also build emotional resilience and gain a new perspective on your situation unclouded by emotion.
7. Don’t Dwell on a Failed Relationship for Too Long
Set new goals
Establish new goals you can work towards. Having something you can work towards will give you purpose and direction. You can look forward to a positive future rather than dwelling on past relationships.
Avoid checking on your ex’s social media
You can’t form a new healthy relationship while you’re hung up on your ex. Resist the urge to check on your ex through social media. Instead, focus on your growth and direction in life.
8. Develop a Plan and Act on It
Set clear goals
Set clear and achievable objectives. If a goal seems unreachable, you may be discouraged from following through. A goal could be attaining financial independence or improving your physical health.
Monitor your progress
Review your plan and assess your progress regularly. Celebrate your successes, even the small ones. Be open to altering your plans to reflect changes to your needs or circumstances.
9. Improve Your Self-Esteem
Practice gratitude
Focus on the positive aspects of your life. You can reflect on these through a gratitude journal. Regularly reflecting on the good things in your life can re-orient your perspective and improve your self-esteem.
Surround yourself with support
Spend time with family and friends that support and uplift you. Positive intimacy with people who love you will contribute to your self-worth.
Conclusion
The starting point in implementing these steps is to book a consultation with us so that we can discuss the best way to untangle your situation.
Our experienced family lawyers at Shanahan Family Law will work with you to create an action plan. We will allow you to let it all out into the light. You will become unstuck and move forward with your future by taking action.
If you need help with family law matters, contact us for a free discovery call.
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