A Pocket Guide to Mastering The Challenges of Child Custody
When divorcing or leaving a de facto relationship, organising child custody is one of the most difficult, and yet most important, factors. There are many challenges co-parents need to navigate to find an effective arrangement. We’ll look at some common pitfalls and what you can do to mitigate them.
Finding agreement
Generally, the best way to make parenting arrangements is through agreement. The ultimate goal is to act in the child’s best interests. Where possible, we recommend that parents do everything they can to ensure both parents have a meaningful relationship with their child through shared parental responsibility. Here are some things to consider.
1. Pursue open communication
Parents who are able to communicate effectively are more able to work constructively. Keep an open mind and listen to the other party’s perspective openly. Keep discussions civil and focused on the best interests of the child. Use neutral language that avoids making accusations that could cause conflict.
2. Be open to compromise
If you want to find genuine agreement, don’t expect to get everything your way. Communicate with a desire to work with the other parent, rather than trying to get one up on them. If your former partner feels that you’re willing to meet them halfway, they’ll be happier to compromise in their own positions.
3. Create a detailed parenting plan
Parenting plans may not work for everyone. However, if you feel that you can organise parental responsibility informally, they can be very useful. The more detailed the plan is, the more clarity it’ll give across all situations. The plan should cover issues such as how major decisions will be handled and how visitation will work.
4. Consult your child
If your child is old enough and has the necessary level of maturity, it’s worth asking them what their wishes are. Ultimately, the final decision will be down to the parents, children’s views are still important.
Handling Disputes
Disputes in child custody cases can be very destructive for the whole family. It’s crucial to be able to navigate these issues properly to avoid unnecessary harm.
1. Seek professional mediation
A professional mediator can help co-parents come together in a positive way to find a resolution. A neutral third party will ensure that each side can voice their concerns and be heard. If one or both parents are unwilling to approach mediation with an open mind, you will miss important opportunities to find constructive solutions.
2. Document all communication
It’s important to keep track of all communication with your former partner. Make note of any requested changes to schedules, confrontational messages and other correspondence. This could be important if the Family Law Courts become involved. Communication can include:
- Emails.
- Text messages.
- Correspondence from lawyers.
- Recorded conversations.
3. Family violence
Children have the right to have access to a safe and stable environment. The Australian Family Law Act prioritises arrangements that prevent children from experiencing or being exposed to family violence or abuse. If there is evidence of abuse, a lawyer can help you seek a domestic violence protection order through the Family Law Court.
4. Request court intervention
Some parties cannot come to an agreement on parenting matters. In these situations, the Court will step in and make parenting orders that bind both parents. This is a last resort that can only be sought once the co-parents have undergone alternative dispute resolution. If there’s evidence of family violence, the dispute resolution requirement may be waived.
What do effective parenting arrangements look like?
So, you’re seeking a divorce and need to organise custody over your child. But, what does an effective plan look like? Whether you’re drafting a parenting plan or applying for parenting consent orders, there are key considerations to keep in mind.
1. Basic information
Include basic information about you, your ex-partner and all the children covered by the plan. This information can include full names, dates of birth and contact information. This is important to ensure that it’s clear who’s involved in the arrangements.
2. Types of custody
Child custody is comprised of two broad areas:
- Physical custody.
- Legal custody.
▸ Physical custody
Physical custody relates to where a child will live and each parent’s visitation rights.
▸ Legal custody
Legal custody is the way co-parents will make major long-term decisions for the child. These can include issues such as a child’s education, healthcare, and religious or cultural instruction.
Covering both of these areas in detail can help ensure the care each parent provides is adequately recognised in a child support assessment.
3. Visitation schedule
Clearly establish where a child will reside and when. Visitation can be broke down in various ways.
▸ Regular routine
Set out your child’s primary living arrangements. This could be organised in many ways. For example:
- The child lives with one parent during the week and the other over the weekend.
- The child alternates residences weekly.
- The child lives with one parent and visits the other parent on set days during the month.
These arrangements will be affected by factors like each parent’s capacity to care for the child and their proximity to each other. It’s also helpful to establish protocols for how exchanges will be made. For instance, do you prefer to drop the child off at your former partner’s house, or should they pick them up from school?
▸ Holidays
It’s worth setting up specific visitation arrangements for school holidays. Often parents will alternate who the child lives with over certain periods on a yearly basis. For example, the child stays with one parent over Christmas and New Year one year, then the other parent the following year.
▸ Special occasions
That leaves what to do during special occasions like birthdays and Christmas day. If you’re on good terms with your ex-spouse, you could consider spending these occasions with your children jointly. This should only be organised if there’s no reasonable chance of confrontations arising. Alternatively, the child may split their time during the day. They could spend the morning at one household, and dinner at the other.
4. How you will communicate
Establish the acceptable forms of communication. For example, do you prefer speaking over the phone, or are you more comfortable with email or text messaging? Consider the frequency of your communication. Would you like regular updates, or are happy to manage visitation without contact? Always keep communication civil, especially in your children’s presence.
5. Decision-making procedures
Decide on how you will handle major long-term decisions. Where will the child go to school? Is there a particular doctor you would prefer them to see? What cultural traditions would you like to preserve? You might determine that one parent is better equipped to take responsibility for specific issues. For example, one parent may be primarily responsible for ensuring medical needs are met.
6. How will you resolve disputes?
Even if a divorce was amicable, conflicts can still occur. If they do, you should agree on how you will handle them. You may agree to mediation if you conflict on major decisions. For smaller issues, you might decide to speak face-to-face or over the phone. Keep resolution practices focused on constructive solutions. It’s not an opportunity to attack each other.
7. Emergencies
It’s vital to understand what to do in the event of an emergency. Detail any foreseeable emergencies such as diabetic shock. Ensure both parents can access necessary medications and understand dosages, and the method of administration. List emergency contacts, such as extended family members and close friends. Write down the emergency facilities nearest to each parent.
Conclusion
Managing child custody can be challenging. Finding agreement requires compromise and open communication. In disputes, mediation can be useful, unless there’s a threat of family violence. Court intervention can resolve impasses for the welfare and safety of the child. Carefully consider how to draft your parenting plan and ensure it’s as detailed as possible.
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